Why Saying “No” is a Powerful Skill for Kids with Disabilities
Rethinking “non-compliance” as a tool for self-advocacy
As parents of children with disabilities, we are often taught that success looks like following directions, staying on task, and fitting into routines. But what if sometimes, teaching our children to say “no” is just as important?
An article from Autism Spectrum News encourages us to rethink non-compliance, not as misbehavior, but as a form of self-advocacy and personal safety.
What “No” Really Means
When your child refuses to do something, it might be their way of saying:
“I don’t feel safe.”
“I don’t understand.”
“This doesn’t feel right.
“I need a break.”
This isn’t just about saying “no” to rules—it’s about learning to set boundaries, communicate needs, and protect themselves.
Assent vs. Consent: What’s the Difference?
We often talk about consent, but there’s another important word to know: assent.
Consent
Given by the parent or guardian
Legally required for things like therapy or school services
Assent
Given by the child
Means the child agrees to participate and understands what’s happening
4 Easy Ways to Teach Self-Advocacy at Home
Make space for their voice
Let your child know it's okay to say how they feel—even if it’s “no.”Offer simple choices
Give them opportunities to make decisions about clothing, food, or activities.Respect their boundaries
If they refuse a task or say no to physical contact, honor that and talk it through.Partner with teachers and therapists
Encourage professionals to recognize non-compliance as a communication tool, not just a behavior issue.
Final Thought: “No” Can Be Empowering
When we teach our kids to say “no,” we’re not raising defiant children—we’re raising strong, self-aware advocates. These skills will help them stay safe, express their needs, and make informed choices now and in the future.
Empowered kids become empowered adults.
